In Japan, your film rolls are stocked up like frozen meat in a supermarket. (Photo Image by Me.)
I decided to write this because it came to me while I was standing in the potato chips and chocolate aisle of the supermarket, deciding which of the two is the lesser evil. I took some selection to go to the counter to pay, before changing my mind at the last moment and u-turning back to replace them with an alternative that’s lesser in calories.
I do this on a constant basis.
Which is probably the reason why I’m not exactly the most accommodating person if you were to ask me what I’d like to have or where I’ll like to eat. Because I can spend hours just deciding where I want to eat, before changing my mind at the last moment. Believe me, my other half have to suffer that most of the time.
I am GENIUSSSSSSSSSS.
What’s the point of this entry? Right, sorry I digress. This entry is about my weight loss journey and how I struggled with my food. Now, this entry isn’t going to be some “OH MY GAWDZ DIANA IS GONNA REVEAL HER STEP-BY-STEP MANUAL ON WEIGHT LOSS!”, nor is this one of those motivational entries you’ll read about. It’s simply a reflective entry for me on how far I’ve come since my fatty days.
Even Britney needs her cellulite removed digitally.
I’m like the new Slim 10 model or whatever they call it nowadays. Except, I didn’t get my figure from eating diet pills, extreme puking or plastic surgery. And FYI to those who think they work, sorry to burst your little rosy bubble but IT DOESN’T. Contrary to the popular belief, liposuction DOES NOT help you in losing weight, it only helps you in the sculpting process of your body.
My tremendous weight loss has caught the attention of the Local hospital near my house, who organizes a yearly health screening which I attend. You pay a fee of only SGD$2 to have your height, weight and blood pressure measured and after that, the volunteers for that programme will review the report generated from the input of the figures to know where you stand in terms of your health. I started on the programme because my mom was a volunteer. But otherwise, that’s all there is to it. This huge-mass screening even gives me a nice Milo packet and sandwich at the end of it, so why not? LOL
Look ma, I’m on the papers!
Naturally, they tap on me as a form of their unpaid spokesperson but hey, I’m not complaining because I get to be on the local newspaper. Fame does have its benefits you know? 😛 While the article talks objectively about the hospital and their programme’s benefit to the local community, it doesn’t really touch upon my weight loss on a personal basis so I’m going to share that part.
For starters, I hope none of you had your dinner yet. Brace yourself for this is me back in early-2009, when I was about 91kg.
Seriously, I’m not kidding. That is me. No photoshop, au natural flabbiness in all its former glory. I pretty much deleted almost all of my photos back in my ‘fatty’ days, so this is one of the few photos left. Quite frankly, I didn’t even take much photos back then because I was just so fat that I felt the any camera will melt from all that massive lard I was carrying around.
In fact, I was deciding between this photo and the other photo that was featured in the news article, which was actually much newer and by then, I had lost some of my flabs (around July 2010). But, I decided against it as my facial expression was too inappropriate (and horrifying) to showcase in a local newspaper so i decided to spare the people’s eyes and gave the other picture for the journalist to use instead.
I wasn’t fat to begin with. My weight gain started when i was on daily medication for Epilepsy. The side effects for that particular medication was weight gain and the slowing of metabolism rate. Because I wasn’t allowed to have any physical education or exercise (for fear that the lack of supervision in school will result in me being involve in accidents), my weight spiraled out of control the moment I started my post-secondary education in a local Polytechnic. The stress, coupled with my unhealthy eating habits and ZERO exercise, boomed me into this big fat tub.
Even so, I actually felt I was cool with it because heck, i want to be this big girl who does great things and doesn’t let her weight get into her head like those skinny, anorexic bitches I see on the street. I told myself that I wasn’t going to let my weight affect me and instead, I used it to my own advantage. Like, how I threaten to beat them up if they won’t stop yabbering.
In short, i was this fat, fury-tempered, stressed and angsty teenage girl, who likes her fried chicken wings and Lays Potato chips a lot. My poly friend, Togusa, recounts his memory of me back in school as this girl who’s always having a bag of potato chips, and I’ll be having one hand in the bag while the other is on the iMac mouse busy doing clone-stamping of skin on photoshop.
Even after I graduated, I still couldn’t give a damn about my weight. Until one fine day, I decided to weigh myself for the first time in a long while. Imagine the shock of my life when I saw that I was standing at 91 kg! That was when it hit me. And if that wasn’t enough for a wake-up call, I re-looked at some of my older photos and reality hits me real hard visually; about how much weight I’ve actually gained over the years.
My back view is rather sexy. Please, take more photos of my back instead.
Woah mama. I was a big one alright.
But the real motivation for my weight loss wasn’t just that. It was a much deeper and more superficial reason. After realising how fat and fugly i was, i realised that at the rate I’m going, I’ll end up a lonely old woman because I’m just too fat and ugly for any guy to take notice of me.
Guys, don’t lie that you care more about personality more than looks. Because in all seriousness, I wanted a hot and handsome guy to fall in love with me. With how I was back then, there was zero chances. In fact, bulk of my friends were dudes whom only see me as a dude and not a girl. And I don’t blame them for that. I look at my old self and I think the same way too.
Don’t even get me started on the thousand and one nasty sexual jokes about how a guy can get crushed under so much layers. I’ve heard them all.
With this determination in mind, i started a series of fruit-only diet, starvation etc all kinds of whacked-up, hearsay diets. Simply because i was too lazy to do any exercise. But, my weight keeps yo-yoing back and forth and there was no real results in losing weight. I was getting angrier and more depressed each day. It wasn’t until my then-best friend (now an ex-friend) and her mom suggested that I follow their diet: Calculate the amount of calories I eat, limit my calorie intake to only 1,200 a day, take 5 small meals instead of 3 big heavy meals and walk around A LOT.
I did that and initially for the first 2 months, it didn’t work and I was so devastated. But I persevered and soon, I started losing 1 to 2 kilos each week. It was going so well and I started getting more compliments about how much slimmer I’ve become. Hearing such compliments motivated me even more.
I walked as much as I can, eat lesser portions of rice and smaller but more meals. Soon, I even started climbing stairs at every chance I get. I was losing 5kg, then 10 kg, then 15kg. Over 4 years, I shaved off 40 kg.
With such impressive figures and massive changes, no wonder the hospital HAD to ask me to be their spokesperson for the interview. (FYI: I’ve lost another 5kg since the Feburary 2012 screening.)
Honestly, I can say that the first 20kg is easy to lose. In fact, I lost it in just ONE YEAR. The last 20 kg was so hard and countless of times, i felt like giving up. But I keep telling myself that with a smaller and tighter figure, i can find nicer, prettier and sexier clothes and i can get the man of my dreams.
The weight loss not only revamped my entire wardrobe (I CAN NOW WEAR MORE GIRLY CLOTHES SOBSOBSOBS), but it also helped me in terms of my attitude and outlook towards life. I was always feeling angry and depressed every day when I was fat and I went to my bags of potato chips as comfort food to make myself feel better. Needless to say, it was a vicious and self-destructive cycle. Nowadays, I’m much happier and more positive.
Perhaps, because I have found my other half as well earlier on this year 🙂 Right now, he is still my motivation to lose more weight (JUST. 5. MORE. GODDAMN. KILOS.) and have a much toned and healthier body. Even though, now it’s the reversed and he’s the one who’s gaining weight. They’re called ‘Love Handles’ after all 😛
Recently, I went to the Anime Festival Asia (AFA) 2012 event held at the Expo. It was great to see old and good cosplay friends, of which many couldn’t recognise me or couldn’t find me because I’m now less than half of what I used to be LOL.
happyh0rse & me at AFA 2012! (Photo by Potato Zelmer)
There were two kinds of reaction when I meet up with people at the events:
1. Who are you / Do I know you?
2. OH MY GAWDZZZ WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?!?!?!?!?!?!? DID SOMEONE CONTROL-T AND WARPED YOUR BODY OR SOMETHING?!
Most of the time, I get Reaction no. 1. I don’t blame them because there is a huge contrast from what they remembered of me and what I am now. It doesn’t help when I have been rather low-key for the last 2 years within the scene and not having any booths in any events. Many expressed their concerns about me losing more weight and insists that I’m fine the way I am right now. But honestly, I still feel it’s not enough. Not until I hit the 40-45kg range and be able to fit into clothes that are of size 0 or petite range.
For the record, I have to dispel rumors that I was eating some diet pill or something along those lines. My weight loss is through proper eating habits and exercise. No diet pills of any kind were involved, neither did I do any form of plastic surgery because I can’t it. I’m definitely not bulimic or anorexic. I still snack on dark chocolates and occasional potato chips and fried chicken :P.
I understand people’s concern that I’m getting too skinny (last time it was me getting too fat LOL), rest assured that I know my body well enough to know that I’m still a little flabby in certain areas and I’m working on losing those flabs, toning it and eating right at the same time. When I was losing weight, I had to keep reminding myself that Weight doesn’t necessarily translates into fat because muscles can be the bulk of the weight.
So cheer me on for the last 5kg and hopefully, I can do that lingerie shoot that I so want to do, to show off my new fabulous and sexy body!!!!!
Now, when I board the train, people no longer stare at me weirdly or give me their seats 😀